Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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