my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
