You're my little dorito
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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