Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
