I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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