I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
