im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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