"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
