he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
