we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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