If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we're making bets on your personal life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
