i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
