I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
