20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
