I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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