I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
