You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
