i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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