Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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