I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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