Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
