is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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