Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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