I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
