Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
