She went from zero to smokin in five shots
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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