i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
