if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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