your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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