I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
