This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
