You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
