At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
