i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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