It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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