I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
