Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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