I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
