i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
