i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
