So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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