we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
