My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
