Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
