you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
