Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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