Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
