Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
