i permit you to call me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
