names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
