We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
