I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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