whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
