im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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